Today, I'm going to be pretty transparent about something I've struggled with many times. In all honesty, I've struggled with this more than I care to admit. But, I talk about this because I am certain many of us deal with this issue in some fashion. And, Im also certain that many struggle with what I'm about to share, but don't even know it. And that thing I have struggled with is something so deceptive and hidden, that it was difficult to put my finger on until more recently than I care to admit. Some days, it seems that I would struggle with just being tired and exhausted. Before you eye roll, let me finish. Because I know, we're all tired and exhausted at times. But, I'm talking about the kind that sleep and rest don't fix. The kind that makes it hard to function some days. It was a heaviness that just seemed to never go away. At times, I thought it was depression, or just simply a part of aging. And while some of us are more prone to responding to stress in a negative way physically and mentally, I just felt that it was something more. I've been stressed before. I've been stressed before a lot actually. It's part of the life we live on this earth. But one day, that changed, and I want to share how it changed for the better. It's something I've been taught by the Lord Himself. Looking back, it was glaringly obvious what was causing my misery. But before, I was convinced it was everything else in the world causing my misery except the one thing I refused to see. That "thing" was unconfessed sin.
In the book of Psalms, chapter 38 we get a very clear description of David in some pretty intense misery and pain. In verse 3 he writes, "there is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation, there is no health in my bones because of my sin." Later in verse 7, he says, "there is no soundness in my flesh." David was having some pretty serious physical and mental issues. All because of sin in his life, and the Lord's displeasure in it. David writes and expresses the weight of discipline he feels from God as "piercing arrows," and "Your hand presses me down." In Psalm 38, David describes in detail the mental anguish, along with some very real physical symptoms, he feels. He is certain that his ailments are caused by his sin. In God's loving chastising, David found himself at the feet of his Creator asking for mercy and confessing his sin before Him. He finishes the Psalm with the honest and heartfelt cries of "Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!" David's pain caused him to look up. And, that's exactly what all pain should do for anyone that belongs to God as his child. That's exactly what it did to me, eventually. You see, I realized that I had unconfessed sin in my life. And I knew these things were sinful. They were actions and attitudes that were flat out sinful and displeasing to God, but I had become so calloused that I convinced myself I could just rely on God's "grace" and still live unchanged. But I was wrong. I have discovered that even in the times that I agreed that my sin was sinful, I never confessed it to God. I may have even stopped the sin and thought I had left it behind. But I had still never confessed it to God. He knows our sins. He knows everything. But, when we confess our sin to God, we are simply agreeing with Him that it is sin, and we hate it. It restores a right relationship with God when we confess our sins. Our prayers are more effective. We can hear him more clearly. We have more joy and peace. We can lay down at night and go to sleep. And, we can feel better in general. That was my case. I was sick, alright. I was sin sick. Sin causes destruction and havoc in our lives, even as believers. In His love, God will discipline His children to bring them back to repentance. He can, and will sometimes, use illness, whether mental or even physical, to bring us to Him. I'm not saying that all illness is a result of a specific sin we have committed. We experience sickness and illness because of the brokenness in this world caused by sin, however. Even though, I am certain that all illness can be used by God to bring Him glory. Maybe this is you today. Maybe, Christian, you feel the exhaustion and misery. Ask God to show you what is grieving Him in your heart. Go to him today, and confess your sins, no matter how large or small you may think they are. We are commanded to do so, for His name's sake, and for our good. I felt the weight lifted off of me instantly. Now, I still get tired and worn out. Don't get me wrong. But, now it's from working and serving, instead of worrying and hiding. I have made it a practice to daily confess my failings to Jesus. And, trust me, they are daily, and I'm not ok with that. I have a desire to have fellowship with God more than I desire to live the way I want to live for myself. The more I confess, the more aware of the temptations that come my way. So, check your heart, brother and sister. It could be a recent sin you struggled with, or sins from years past you committed as a Christian that you never brought before the Lord. Either way, He's waiting for you today. Lay that sin down that weighs you so heavily.
-Brandon Walker